untitled.

I still think about it…about what you did.

Late at night when I am trying to fall asleep, I always think back to it, and it makes for many sleepless nights.

Trust me, I don’t want to think about it anymore. I wish I could forget about it.

Actually, I wish it never happened in the first place.

I keep giving you chances after chances because I honestly do not want to live the rest of my life without you.

I’m not going to be like one of those girls who says, “I don’t even know what I’d do without you,” or “I couldn’t live without you.”

Because let’s be honest…I could. I could do it, but I never want to.

My trust in you is shattered.

I want you to fix it. I want everything to be good again. I really do.

But I can’t sit back and lie and say that it’ll be alright with time because I don’t know that.

Even right now, I’m wondering if you’re actually at home, trying to sleep, like you said you were.

I’m wondering if you’re lying to me, and making the same bad decisions you’ve been making.

I’m wondering if I’ll find out secrets again, and if you’ll give me the same answer to my question as to why you did it.

“I don’t know why I did it. I wasn’t thinking and it meant nothing for either one of us.”

“I screwed up, Taylor. I want to be a better man for you.”

You could be speaking the truth, but you could also be lying.

I hope it’s the truth.

But all I know from you are lies and more lies.

I can’t tell what’s truthful and what’s not anymore.

I opened myself up to you. I TRUSTED you with my whole being, and now I feel like everything is destroyed.

My heart.

My mindset.

My confidence.

My spirit.

My soul.

I don’t feel like I even know myself anymore.

The Taylor from a year ago would be so disappointed in me, and that makes me feel like a failure.

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