written thoughts that I should probably actually say out loud.

I’ve always had a problem with rejection. It’s been one of my worst fears. It’s one of the reasons I never tried out for teams or clubs because I was so afraid of not making the cut. This situation makes me feel as if you’re picking that girl for the moment being instead of something real with me.

I will learn to forgive you but that doesn’t mean I’ll forget, and it also doesn’t mean that I’ll condone that type of behavior.You need to earn my trust back, it is not that I have to learn to trust you again.

“Not thinking” can’t be an excuse anymore. I won’t allow it. If you still want me in your life, I need you to change, and if you actually show me wholeheartedly that you do want to and will change, I will 100% help you anyway I can.

I need to see that you will always be trying. 

If you apologize and try to get me to forgive you and it doesn’t happen right away and you stop because you don’t think I’ll even forgive you, it’s almost the same thing as admitting that working us out isn’t worth it if it takes time.

I still love you, and I’m always going to want you but if this keeps happening, no matter how hard it will be for me, I won’t keep putting myself through this. I don’t deserve this. If I put 50% into this, you need to put the other 50% as well. There’s not going to be anymore 80/20 or even 100/0 deals. No matter how much I love you, if you can not treat me with the amount of respect, loyalty, and love I deserve, I won’t keep coming back because I will not be taken for granted anymore. I want you to realize that you CAN lose me. I’m not something that is a 100% guarantee to stay if you treat me with disrespect and disloyalty.

But I will say, if you treat me correctly, as in you love me, respect me, are loyal to me, and don’t take me for granted, I’m not going anywhere.

I’d stay here with you for good.

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